He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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