i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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