i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
