The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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