i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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