did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
