so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
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