I am midnight drunk by noon
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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