idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
