The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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