end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my poor anus
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
