i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
