I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
