omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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