What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
