so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
