I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
