it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
