u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
