From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
