You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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