I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
