it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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