ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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