I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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