you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
