I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
