I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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