i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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