After last night, I could never be a politician.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
