We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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