The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
