a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
