Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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