I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
