He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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