Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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