Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
