You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
