U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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