Need sex. Gaining weight.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
