mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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