Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
This house was built for laser tag.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
