Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
