so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
