Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
