Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
