i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
