maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
