i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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