i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
